Normalizing death

I was the one to put my dad to rest in this life. The snow outside right now is a lot like when he passed, magical and fluffy.  I don't have anger towards it like I would have a week ago or even yesterday, today it's not there.  I did a visualization and it was the moment of giving him one last shot of morphine, while he was surrounded by all of his friends and family came up the other day.  There was this understanding, like he and I were communicating...he saying, "bec, it's okay."  me saying, "I love you daddy, I love you."  My mom singing this beautiful song to him in his ear, telling him she loves him and Jen just speechless with these sweet BIG crocodile tears.  Everyone else there, nothing we could change about the situation but for me the numbness of doing the act went away.  I reconnected with his pulse and that it was doing him good.  When his pulse fell from his arm, it was if someone had released the physical plugs on his bodies drain and whosh...Literally, WHOOOOSH...Almost like the days when I would have to alter myself just to attempt kayaking down a class IV rapid with my buddies.  With that alteration, I was able to paddle better or just release when I knew I couldn't get back up instead of getting gripped in the flow and hurting myself one way or another.  With the loss of the numbness, which I didn't know when it would go away came an unfolding.  The visualization lead me to the practice of Death Midwifery that I had been studying since that summer we were in Seattle.  In actuality, I had gone to the co-op that morning and got three essential oils and sesame oil.  Rose (love, used for anxiety and depression and tension), Sandalwood (flight), and Vetiver (grounding; muscle relaxant, insomnia and nervousness).  We all gathered, opened with a little calling in of the directions.  He loved the native ways of nature that he had learned over life. We washed him with really warm water, which had all three oils in it.  Then we all massaged him with the Sesame Oil (in Ayurveda, this oil represents integration, deep healing and nourishes the organs) with a drop of rose oil.  As each person contributed, they said a little prayer or intention to help in his soul passing.  In my experience over the weekend, it went from the whoooosh of the pulse to the time after the ritual...when everyone was drinking margaritas, wine and beer and people were coming in and out saying goodbye and a party was going on.  He was glowing.  That is where I went to...him being there with this glow, a smile and of course shiny lips because he had to have some lip gloss on...He was just as beautiful then as he had been when we were growing up.  Death finally became normalised for me. I have peace on a cellular level.

Momma Earth

Cup of coffee near by, sights of 5 hours of trail-running today amongst a myriad of other little chores, seeds sprouting, and soon to be off-call so I can go to a workshop this weekend with a dear friend in Colorado.  The things I think of when I wake up and when I run for long times, how I can change our disabled maternity care system and then I remember I am just a little woman running and walking on this earth and somehow that is supposed to matter?  Today, we all "celebrate" our momma earth getting a day where we "take care" of her and the environment that is her own womb...Us...The people and her land and animals and natural resources.  In college, the thought "earth day is every day" was whittled into my head.  So a day like today, not to be snarky, sometimes just irks me and irritates me as much as Hallmark putting a date on the calendar to show how much we HEART one another.  But we do and I play along with these days, for instance making heart chocolate chip cookies with a best friend who was visiting to support me after my father's passing.  Our day was cheesy as all get out, but it helped.  SO...today we celebrate one day towards the health care of our momma earth and skies and seas and mountains and rivers and people and animals and fields and it helps...

My thoughts with how we celebrate these events go towards our relationship with these objects, people, places and things.  Our inter-connection, our hearts-worth, the creativity it inspires, the ability to reflect.  One aspect of my work is simple and just begins the discussion of current "relationships" within the United States maternity system.  I wanted to expand on this effort after I graduated, but there were some other things in life that kept me from focusing on "the greening of birth."  And for now, I might just do this every so often...put little bits and pieces from my work here and see what other articles come in.  So here, is a little excerpt from my writing back a year ago...

As a midwifery student, I set out to gain more understanding for myself and see if there was a contribution I could make to the Greening of Birth.  Then I discovered I would have to define the greening of birth, since there was no true definition to begin with.  This proved to be difficult.  Since this is a new concept, I know it will take help of other midwives and providers to have a firm definition of what I mean by the Greening of Birth. My basic definition and goal of the Greening of Birth is to improve the current maternity care environment, socially and environmentally, in the United States.  This definition embraces the following concepts:

1)     Collaborative maternity care

2)    Improved relationships between maternity care providers

3)    Midwifery as a leader in the greening of birth

4)    Promotion of sustainable practices and solutions in maternity care

This research is an expression of my own personal work in sustainability and as a midwife, as it presents my role in preserving and increasing access to a profession that brings me joy and is my livelihood.

The Greening of Birth represents a needed change in the existing environment between nurse-midwives, certified professional midwives, licensed midwives, lay midwives and obstetricians and other maternity professionals.  Currently we stand divided instead of united and the United States is one of the few developed countries where the maternity care system suffers from such disorder.  Robbie Davis-Floyd discusses the dichotomy of relationships between nurse-midwives, licensed (and unlicensed) midwives, and obstetricians.  She explains the existing dichotomy as a significant contribution to the lack of relationship within the maternity care system.  Davis-Floyd contemplates whether there is room in the United States maternity system for each of these groups collaborate while maintaining their own professional autonomy.  Davis-Floyd explains the benefits of autonomy, that each of these groups have fought for it over time, and that it might be challenging to create a unifying model of care that is suitable for each profession.²⁴  Midwives have an important role to play in the development of collaborative relationships.  As a profession, midwives will find our way, but we will have to rise above internal conflicts to find a common voice.

              Relationships are considered one of the fundamental attributes in the art of midwifery and Midwifery Model of Care, specifically the importance of relationship between the mother and midwife.  However, I am addressing the internal relationships of maternity care providers.  Ideally, our culture is kind, loving, and supportive and yet there is a competitive and suspicious spirit that exists between midwives.  In order to contribute to the Greening of Birth, midwives will have to evaluate the current sisterhood of midwives within each United States community.  Each midwife and each birth center provides care to different women and these women have the choice of where they give birth.  It is important that the effort of midwives in each community supports one another’s growth and does not create division in business and midwifery.  Midwives must find a way to support the sustainability tenet of establishing and maintaining interconnection, rather than separation, in our professional relations.  

Improving relationships will make room for midwives and obstetricians to learn from one another.  These two groups could together explore the normal, physiologic events of birth and ways for less intervention during labor and delivery.  I believe it would create deeper awareness of midwifery practice for physicians if medical school students were required to attend at least one out-of hospital birth.  Midwifery encourages parents to explore their health and their connection to pregnancy, their growing baby and anything else that affects their pregnancy.  Midwifery can teach obstetrics that there is nothing “wrong” with pregnancy, and that when pregnancy does have complications it is important to explore all routes (mental, physical, emotional, stress, environmental) of the complication instead of targeting just the problem.  I acknowledge there may be difficulties and differences through the initial steps of the Greening of Birth, because both models of care are different yet effective for the clients that choose our care.  I believe, however, that combining the models would set the maternity system up for great success and allow for more comprehensive care for the women of the United States. 

In community and peer review, it is important to discuss actions of midwives that might harm the whole midwifery community.  It is important that the midwifery community does not ostracize midwives who make decisions that deviate from the standard model of care, but rather engage in responsible, constructive conversations on ways to bring more unity between midwives.  It is also important to consider and discuss a bad outcome with the midwife who experiences it, rather than spread untrue stories that may become convoluted.  If collaboration between obstetricians and midwives existed in the United States, peer reviews outside of the autonomous professions will benefit and improve maternal and infant outcomes.  There are many ways the maternity professions can learn from one another. A goal of effective communication asks participants to go to the source of a situation to find the truth.  If there is to be a midwife for every mother in the Greening of Birth and a conscious maternity care system in the United States, then we must begin to truly support one another free of judgment and full of concern for the health of maternity care, mothers and babies. 

It's youthful in it's knowledge and awareness, but this to me continues to speak the truth of what is going on in the field of maternity care.  I know that in my town, there is mostly animosity and the ability to sit together is like a mad game of dodge ball...and yes, we're hucking wrenches.  

Enjoy the earth and may she enjoy a bit of you too.

Green Midwife Blog Begins.

“Despair shows us the limit of our imagination. Imaginations shared create collaboration, collaboration creates community, and community inspires social change.”

—Terry Tempest Williams

Green Midwife, as a practice name, came about from my love of birth and midwifery and as a result of my research and exploration of the current maternity care system in the United States and ways to make relations collaborative, healthy and more sustainable; and I recognize that midwives can be leaders in initiating the steps it will take to move towards improvement. The name also came as a reflection of the way I live within my own community and the impact I make on the planet.  The health of our environment, as we all begin to realize more and more each day, has a direct relation to the way our future generations will walk on this planet.  My path to midwifery began as a long time desire to be a doctor like my grandfather who caught babies at home, my work as wilderness instructor and guide, and facilitating groups of women through various rites of passage. My journey also began simply on a run with my friend when I was 24 and living in Telluride, Colorado.  So much to be told with a bunch of miles between you and home and a few ridges to get over...

The preconception to this blog came from encouragement to creatively communicate my work of my thesis and writing and work as a midwife and activist.  So, I sat with it and fought off any urge because most of my urges are satisfied through outdoor activities and passions and love. To sit inside and do this is not my idea of a bunch of fun.  Then I started thinking further...I heard myself saying, "This could be a cool little creation."  My sister, Jennifer, encouraged me to go for it being a way to reach out, network and further my practice success.  

My true hope is this blog becomes a place where health care professionals, maternity care providers, consumers, advocates and supporters of healthy birth and improving the US health care, and families can tell their stories and expand the idea and initial points of "The Greening of Birth" (my thesis title).  Therefore, this blog will be a place you can visit to hear stories from around North America and the world as I will have postings contributed from my extended network and hopefully from those not in my network yet.  This blog will also be a place where you can read about the work and ideas of green craftsman and women, engineers, resource managers, writers, builders, farmers, teachers, retailers, and activist and how the strings of a town intertwine and make a strong, healthy network.  This articles from non-health care providers to this blog will start from the community of Bozeman and grow out after we address what we're doing here, how it impacts our living, the health of our families and individuals.  I live in a community that inspires social change and creating this "strong and connected community" is just the ignition.  It will be down the road where the pushing will get tough and we'll all have to bear down and push with all our might.

To me, birth is just the beginning of a beautiful future.  Preconception and pregnancy are two places that men and women and families have the opportunity to expand upon or begin to live in new ways, healthier and kinder ways.  These periods are times when we can re-evaluate the whole picture, and see if the footprints we are laying will create a stronger future or do they just contribute to the messes we've already created.  You don't have to be "green" to live well, but it is the influence of changing our views towards the ways of living sustainability that will make life a more pleasurable place to dwell within.  Please feel free to submit ideas and articles to me via email or post below.  

Now, time for a run in this blustery Montana day where seeds are being sewn.