ecology of a sunday

where i wake with a call to attend a birth, i come home clean and know this assignment lie ahead. an assignment of ritual and everyday an intention in my life so that I, by choice, can live a life of spirituality, love and peace. settling into a practice today takes a little energy, as there are tomatos roasting in the oven and 2 antsy dogs sit by my feet. the sky was purple as I left the house this morning and there were low clouds over the mountains, a magical and mystical day for a baby to be born and a new mother and father to birth into parenthood. Ravens were flying low in the sky and as if the clouds were trying to break, moisture seeps in and replaced those spaces. The sun broke mid-morning or maybe around noon, just as this baby came onto the planet and into the arms of it's mom and dad. As I finish my practice, rise from my seat and come to this screen my feet are cold and I have to sit by the fire even though my internal oven is on...my external oven needs stimulation. In my practice today, I left for a moment but the dogs decided when the spirits came into the house that they'd start barking just to let them know who's protecting the house. Well Bob started barking, me knowing he can pick up on those present energies around my house when I practice. home. open flow, thoughts coming into awareness and then letting them release. I have this ability after enough practice to recognize my mind versus awareness. I know that in awareness I am me and that even if my heart is broken that this place is warm, comforting and love abundant love from the universe flows here and reminds me I will heal, I am healing. I am healed. Fresh snow hit the mountains today and that clean protective energy is what surrounds me right now. Today I did most everything I love for an autumn sunday, but instead of me being the teacher of awareness I practice my sober journey to a mind and body and spirit and heart that embraces that vast expanse that is my awareness...as if the stars were shining and filling the nights sky, there I know I breathe, there I know I heal, there I know I rest, there I know I can enter it crazy, and there I know I can leave that crazy and come back peace. Buzzed. high. Flying. Sometimes in my practice, I visit with my teachers even if I haven't seen them in a long time. They give me a lesson, give me a hymn to my own sacred body, and I do this on my own. How did I get to this place? Why was I drawn to know another part of my mind, the part where my magic is held. A part of my mind where shamanism grows, like a seed, and it's always been inside of me.

The ecology of my magic today started by taking some breaths, driving to a birth, having quiet and peace of mind, and watching as the landscape and environment that is my home moved and swirled and inhaled and exhaled and touched. Like a rise and fall, it reminded me it's just a sunday and I am just a normal girl, living in a vast valley that could be the center of the universe wherever that really is.

As Time Passes

Each year, life slows down a bit, roots set in and yet somehow I turn more and more into the energetic mother and father that raised me. Never did I think I would rise and do as much as they did by 8 am, yet now @ the young age of 33 I do exactly as they did. More and more, I think the cajun blood that runs thick in my veins keeps me on track towards a vibrant, rich, youthful, and aging life. Good thing we believe in strong coffee, and just so that you might get a grit or two in your cup. My friends can attest to the powers that be in the cups I brew.

Three months ago I sat in a hospital room and witnessed a beautiful birth experience; and then I went off-call for the rest of summer. Shortly after this birth, I met Dr. Holcomb Johnston and we talked about bringing two small businesses into one and creating a resource in town for preventative and holistic healthcare. The establishment of this professional relationship was exciting. As two people should "court" one another, whether professionally or personally, we did just that and both of our independent businesses grow more with each week. We're at this edge, where summer has passed and we're looking at ways we can collaborate our current studies to enhance the lives and health of Bozeman community members. It doesn't surprise me that we found one another, our degrees of separation are too close. Green Midwife moved down to Main Street in July, which prompted a lot of growth and change in my practice.

As I moved, the phone started ringing. Not off the hook, but it was this acknowledgement to me that midwives have to come out of the basements of office buildings and have to hang a shingle out on a limb and continue to normalize midwifery, whether it's in the hospital or at home. I went from zero to 80 in a week. Holcomb would make comments about how she wanted to be busy, I would tell her to be careful what she wished for because her time would come. Three months later, her schedule fills easily. I picked up a client for September, knowing that August was still a month planned off. A month saved for a dear-hearted wedding and my father's memorial service. They agreed, as we hit it off, and continued care with their provider through September.

August was month to crack me open. I took it on. I drove to the west coast and back to Montana, turned around three days later and drove to Iowa to celebrate with my daddy's closest friends and family, celebrate my momma's birthday and my parent's 40th anniversary. When it comes to parties, the women in our family can cook but organization is not our finest skill. Other's did that for us the weekend of his memorial. One memory: My uncle timid to spread my dad's ashes, his son encouraging him, me telling him I taste my dad's ashes when I spread them (more calcium in my diet doesn't hurt), and my sister holding my daddy's ashes. We all marched to the dock like ducks. Shaky dock (like being on a boogie board), high winds, sunshine, ashes, ducks in a row: Me, Tom, Ty (cousin), Sky, Jennifer, and Elizabeth. Tom spoke to "Rudy Kazootie" (it is what he called my dad) and then we all held our hands into the wind and released. It was one of those cathartic moments one rarely experiences in life. We all ate ashes that day as we threw them, of course the wind turned on us and put them back in our faces. My dad loved to play funny tricks and he loved magic. Embrace. Remembrance.

The rest of the month put me in motion to return to Bozeman. I realized in mid-September that I had finally "come home" and began making my connections with the town. Entering the professional world here in Bozeman, I have had to get through the comments such as, "I don't know if she really has that much experience," "Do you really think she knows what she is doing? It is birth after all." People generally questioning a new practitioner, this is normal. I would hear these comments and they would fire me up. Yet, I know my experience and all the training I went through and getting it into my community needs time. Just like a garden, like a relationship, like a descent: they all need time and room to breathe in order to grow.

With that, September was busy. Lots of commuting back and forth. A new study from Canada came out in August, stating that birth with a registered midwife at home was as safe as a birth with a physician or midwife in the hopsital. The craze of H1N1 vaccine and a rash of released information in the media. This sent all my new mothers spinning with questions and I felt like every week my answer changed. It now comes down to making an informed decision, when we all know at some point in our health care we just want to be told WHAT TO DO. That is not my job, unless it's in birth and it's an urgent action that need to occur. My role as a midwife is to inform and educate, encouraging my clients along the way to make decisions in their healthcare that are right for the individual. Another great thing that happened in September, Missoula, Montana found out that they would have a birth center again. Finally, I expanded my roles and connections with local midwives, as we all go in individual directions. Even with Mercury Retrograde for most of September, which tends to hold us back and consider restructuring what we've already created, my work was done and forward movement began.

As Mercury went direct on 29 September, my client began her journey into laborland. I received calls all day long. My clients live 1.5 hours away, so I was in my own laborland that day. Preparing and doing and waiting and doing. The sound of my pager no longer sends me into heart attack mode. It's a noise that takes me a second to realize where it's coming from and by no means is the sound of a pager meant to be pleasant. 4:45pm @ a trailhead, I got the call to be preparing to head northwest. 6:15 pm, they called and I was on my way. When I arrived at the house, the momma had a beautiful labor pattern and was supported by warm and loving and excited family. She labored quickly. At 00:59 on 09.29.09, little Bannack was birthed into this world on the floor of his family's bathroom. It was refreshing to have a land birth, not a water birth. Going from "Sea to Summit" this night would take a little more encouragement and the toilet was the way. She labored in water, birthed on earth.

For many providers, the place of birth occurs within our comfort zone. I realized with this birth, my comfort zone for birth is inside of me and that this work is right for me. Where the actual birth occurs does not matter to me. I have had lots of great work in life, and no other work feels so right to me. In this work I know when to say "I don't know" and I find a way to learn or know. This work is work that feeds me, yet it's work that I can leave. Sure, it's work that is woven into my cellular structure, and there is so much to be passionate about in life. So much to live for and thrive from and release in and play with and love. And from that birth, I was reconnected with just that aspect of love. For me, living from a place of love makes me walk on this earth with more joy, purpose and flow.

I dreamt of a birth last night, that doesn't happen a lot in my sleep time. It was a friend of mine, we were at home, this baby crowned and came out easily and sweetly into the arms of their parents, and I even remember my purple gloves. Surprises granted and love emanating. Maybe it's because Sara sent me her birth story from her blog, Walk Slowly Live Wildly, and I watched it twice or three times. I don't know, but the dream sits with me this morning as I dive into writing this after a long blog break and also dive into Quickbooks. Maybe a reminder of how lucky I am for this life. Now, back to running a business, making lists, paying bills, entering labs, and doing insurance billing. This dream skirts me out of a weekend of skiing with a girlfriend that made me feel like I was flying, a tour adventure on Saturday with a good man, and then a slow Sunday that ended with a baby shower and teaching Yoga Nidra. Home. Sleep. Dream. Wake. Work. Play. Love.

Those are the months behind me. I can say that I am slow to blog, and hopefully the next few entries will be from others as the intention for this blog was to get contributors and connecting vital and "green" communities. Collaborating our energies to create strong communities. Winter's upon us and I am thrilled.

A little help for a friend

Recently, a friend or 2 have asked me for advice for their births as they move into hospital based births. It is an honor for me to be present for them, even in written word. So tonight, since I have had such a lag from this blog, I post this bit of what I believe to be some tips for mommas and partners around. This was sent to my friend Lisa.

You are about to embark on the journey of your lifetime. You think you've skied big lines and gone beyond your limits but you are about to experience the biggest and steepest line you've ever imagined, this is what I hear from the mum's who have experience like you do, like I do. We are women who have known nothing but adrenaline strength. The strength you need for labor is not adrenaline so much, although it floods your baby after you have pushed the little nugget out because, "WHOA what did I just do?" will flood every cell in your body. But birth is about allowing prostaglandins and oxytocin (the love hormone) do the work in your body and come over you. A lot of these hormones aren't released in controlled settings, but if you stay home in early labor and into active labor a lot of this will come out. Ask your doctor to provide you with a quiet birthing environment in the hospital if you go in early and these hormones will do their work.

focus on LETTING GO OF CONTROL. Control gets us nowhere but stuck. Birth is not a time to be controlled. Don't let nurses and doctors tell you to quiet down or do anything other than you are CALLED to do. Follow your releases because that is the way babies come out, if a mom is allowed to birth and be exactly as she is. If you push your baby out and someone is telling you to change what feels good, you tell them to piss off and let you do what is right for you. Allow yourself to let go of control, as it is a fundamental process of becoming a parent. The rest of your life, as parents, is about letting go of what was and how it was managed and that we can't control anything our kids do. IF there was one brilliant thing my dad did for me, he let me go and let me fumble through it coming to my conclusions and beginnings and many times our conclusions were in line and synchronised. However, I got there myself. I was birthed in the most out of control way. My mom barely knew she was in labor until I almost came out in a garbage can. Let go, even if you think you're chill, LET GO MORE.

FOLLOW YOUR BODY and all the messages that come through your body.

Chase after your fear and bring love to it. Chase it like you ski and bring love to it...Flood it with love and let yourself know it will be okay. Fear will arise.

View yourself going down things that challenge you and how do you flow into those intense (adrenaline) moments. Look at this now. Look at this with Chris. Begin this visualization now and see how your body reacts. Does it tense? Does it relax? IF so, when fear comes up, do you clinch. If you clinch, find mechanisms that help you relax those muscles you need to relax. Keep practicing this until you birth your baby. Until you birth yourself into a mother. It's intense. This whole process.

Birth is not comfortable. It is painful, but the pain is what you need to know to birth yourself into a parent. It is pain that you can approach, you can touch and you can play with you can sing through. YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. (some of these capitals are simply statements you can teach Chris to remind you of too while he's with you in labor).

One part of your body that needs to release where I see strong mummie's getting held up is in the bum. To birth your baby you need to imagine it coming out your butt rather your vagina because the first place that head hits is your bum, your rectum. So if you should feel like you can't open your pelvis, teach chris to touch you on your bum. Do you know where your sit bones are? If not, find them by asking your doctor. They are pretty much your ischial tuberosities. IF you apply pressure, like a deep massage, to this part of the body as a mum is pushing or even before pushing when she needs direction then the pelvis opens naturally and babies are able to move down through the canal and onto the perineum with more ease. IT DROPS THE HIPS WIDE OPEN. It works beautifully.

Water helps A LOT for pain management. Spend time in the shower or in a tub, if you want to avoid the drugs of an epidural (which there is reason to avoid it). It really helps lift the pressure off you and I hear it over and over again how much it helps. WARM WARM water.

When you're in early labor and having lots of braxton hicks and false contractions before bed and they have you in question, get in a hot bath with a glass of red wine and most likely those contractions/surges will fade away and you will get to sleep peacefully.

Eat and drink LOTS in labor.

Move to your body's desire in labor.

Humming. When a mummie is tired but she is also having contractions, I sit with her and as each contraction arises I rub her gently and hum with her. Chris could do this. It'd be like your mum humming you to sleep. Then when the contraction is over, she rests and breathes. Again, when it starts up you hum, the partner hums and gently rubs your arm or back or whatever is comforting so you can rest. So you can drop in and rest. If you have a doula, the doula could do this and Chris could sleep. It is a gem.

If things stall out, change the scenery. Go to the movies, go on a walk. Paint your toenails. Paint something. Get your mind off early early labor and the tricks it plays on you.

If you feel stuck, you need someone there who can supportively talk you out of a stuck place. If Chris is the man for you to do this, find a conversation around this and how it might happen. What it means for me, I sit by the side of a mom who is questioning her place in birth and labor and is looking for support but will take an out if you present it. So, I go into her space. I ask her where she is at and why she is there. I ask her what she needs and what could help her out of this place. I ask her what her fears are and we go into them. I coach her to a place of confidence and strength that is deep and knowing and she gets herself out of that hole, off the hook so to speak and starts making the climb back up to the place where she'll birth her baby. I have done it for many and these women are on my website for that matter and the women who are still my good friends. Think of how you will get unstuck AND prepare for this place.

I believe it's really important to have the environment that is right for the mother and each mother is very different. YOu create the space that is nurturing to you in early labor, then in active labor you do the work in that space. Think of what will nurture you in regards to your birthing space. Bring it with you to the hospital.

I feel honored that you're asking me these questions and you will birth just as you need to birth, both yourself and your baby and Chris will birth too. Imagine that! Sweet. This process of birth is a place of real raw truth and one we all get through, if it's part of our journey. Whatever way this baby is brought into the world, it will still experience a birth with you. I believe in you, all your strength and that you hold a deep wisdom of trust in your body (and I do because I see what you ski and the places you go) and you may not know of this trust but it is there. CARRY THIS OVER TO YOUR BIRTH.

I'm such a cheesy woman @ heart when it comes to love, because it is what is brought to birth and life and death. You are just entering a remarkable time and we have done such a great job de-humanizing the experience and just making birth just another event. It's so much larger than life. It is a true rite of passage and if you've never been involved with one, hold on mummie because you are so close. I cannot give you a list of things to focus on, sorry. That is part of you finding out that process for you. I am here in this last month for you in whatever way this midwife and friend can guide you!

A little r-Evolution

If I had a better computer mind, I would make these posts organized and beautiful and vivid like most things I see from my mind. But me and computers, we know each other to an extent and I never take it that extra step to just spend the day learning how to make things pretty. Right now, I make my garden pretty, I take time for my body and mind and soul, for my family extended and near, exercise my relationship with nature and seems like maybe I am feeding my relationship with my local hospital a little bit of fertilizer. Or, did I just luck out extremely when I transferred an almost 36 week momma to our local hospital in Bozeman (and where to say the least we have had many more negative experiences than positive with our transports) and received the dream team? I think I believe in "it's written."

As I walked into LnD yesterday and met up with the OB we would be having, as our provider. She was young like me and cute and a smile from ear to ear, and a compassionate voice. It brought much relief to my mother of 35 weeks who was planning for a home birth and very much accepting of the hospital adventure we were embarking upon. This story is about my perspective, not my clients. I very much take their confidentiality to heart and if they want to share their side, that is a gift. For me, this is about getting out what is happening in a world where the maternity profession is being forced to expand because of advocates and evidence-based research, and consumer activism. I turn the corner, and I could have thrown my intestines on the desk I was so nervous, instead I just handed them a few pages from my somewhat massive charts these days. The doc kept welcoming me as I said things like, "I am sorry to bring you our messes." But what did I mess up? NOTHING. All her labs were normal throughout pregnancy, she was eating well, she had just come back from a long trip overseas and experienced stress but had I really made a mess? No. In my nervous state, the staff welcomed me and said, "We're introducing nurse-midwives to our staff and have one in training today, do you mind if she assists your birth?" Not at all. The next question (one eyebrow raised), "What role do you want to act in? Do you want to be the primary deliverer of the baby?" HUH? Let me go down to the ears, nose and throat doctor and make sure I don't have wax built up before you SAY THAT AGAIN? She got the biggest smile on her face when I turned into the classic deer in headlights. I then thought, "oh no, the way I catch a baby would make you all dance behind me as I have a different level of patience and know non-medicated birth." My actual response, "Thank you for that offer, wow. However, this is your turf and what I would like is for there to be collaboration and for us to all work together. You're training a midwife, let's do it together." So, the OB and I worked together with this midwife (even though she is well seasoned, she hasn't caught babies in a long time) and it was so cool. Beautiful birth.

The birth was natural. She did receive antibiotics for being group beta strep positive. She progressed beautifully, labored in water, the lights were almost completely off the whole time which she loved otherwise she totally reacted to the distractions and noises of the room and I loved the responses of the other attendants. When I did something I learned from another local midwife to release pressure in the hips, they all oohed and awed at the "technique." They were open to being soft and quiet and she chose the way she would push her baby out. The baby crowned and she grunted loudly, she had no epidural and rupture of membranes took her from a 7 to fully dilated in 15 minutes. Freight train and really intense sensations when you dilate that rapidly. Baby came out crying and this is where I had to go stick my head in the closet. The way that little BREATHING baby got rustled up made me want to cry. This 7 lb 2 oz 35 week old baby was breathing and healthy and I wanted to run over and stop them from jostling him around but this is their turf, not mine. I just swallow. No tear. No pitocin to stop hemorrhage. That conversation was great for me to hear, "Do you want to run an IV of pit?" (to the nurse-midwife) She says, "As a standard I do even if not indicated, but let's leave it out on this one." The nurse says, "OK, there is an injection on the counter." I smile. Let the body do it's job and most of the time it responds. They never gave her pitocin postpartum.

Then there were hugs between the OB, the CNM, and me and the nurse. Wait, hugs? The OB and I both acknowledged confusion and discussed as to why this baby was "preterm." Placenta going to path might explain it or not. Was it the nuchal cord that probably would have become extremely tight as this baby became a 10 pound baby? Would that cord undone? Was it the elevated liver enzymes? All things we can think about and I could question as I move forward caring for women and babies during pregnancy and birth. As I woke this morning, I said, "It was a good birth. This was a success." This opening at Bozeman Deaconess raises my confidence for the myriad of birthing women in the area. Maybe, just maybe, the opening will happen in a place I thought would always be adversarial towards midwives forever and then awareness will sweep over and we will change our cultural view...those last 13 words are for my friend Mollie.

Neko Case sings, "I may not get my approving but let's not waste our time thinking how that ain't fair." This reflects onto me as I move away from this birth and having to transport preterm. I have spent many days in my training and moving into practice worrying about what the hospital staff and others will say about me after a transport. This little line reminds me life is too short, in my profession, to worry about what is and isn't fair (truly). I can only reflect on this birth as a way of moving forward as a good midwife and care provider, while stepping into the liquid of my life.

Long time trend for NO change in the United States

A videotaped lecture I watched tonight has me thinking about the work I have presented, and continuing to listen to the voices of maternal and infant health in the United States. When I wrote my thesis on The Greening of Birth, I discussed the various reasons why the maternal mortality rate could be so high in the United States. I spoke of intervention, Cesarean birth and maternal request Cesarean birth. Then, in my last post, I posed my own personal reflection/question: The journey of women, in birth, has been shortened and our power stripped from us, and I often wonder what it is about women these days that scares them (truly) about birth, that encourages them to let their deepest seated power be lifted, and that makes them willing to give up their personal rite to a higher hand or authority. If we still looked at birth as an event of empowerment, would women be fighting more strongly and choosing other paths as they walk into motherhood? Watching this lecture helped me out, reminded me.

In this lecture Dr. DeClercq asks the question, "Are US women the reason for the increasing Cesarean rate?" As a midwife it has been a lesson for me to learn about the real reasons behind Cesarean and intervention, and to accept the facts and reality of occurrence in the US. That lesson has also taught me to be compassionate and know when I can play the devil’s advocate. As I listened to the lecture, I was relieved to know that Cesarean birth by maternal request is low and not statistically significant in reports of the rising Cesarean rate in the US. The populations are still small, yet they are a reality. Dr. DeClercq diagrams the overall rates and patterns of Cesarean birth across the US and points out that Cesarean birth may trend toward "strong regional patterns" based around the way varying US cultures view Cesarean birth, rather than rising rates being a true reflection of evidence-based medicine practiced the same way across the country. Although we as a culture are often deemed homogenized, this brings to my awareness that medically we are very different and speak from different voices, and that we are truly a melting pot.  

In answer to the question of whether women themselves are the reason, research proves that the answer is no. Declercq argues that the reason for the increasing Cesarean rate in the US is practice changes. He continues on to discuss Dr. John Whitridge Williams, a pioneer in obstetrics, and how practice changes within the medical profession are the fundamental reason for "periods of undue enthusiasm," which in turn are reflected in the rise or increase of a medically indicated procedure. He also says that vaginal birth takes more time for the provider and "considerable technical dexterity."  While this researcher argues that the increasing rates of Cesarean are due to practice changes, mothers in the US feel they get very good maternity care and view the maternity care system to be better than the US healthcare system as a whole.

I ask myself, "Why do I keep working for this change in maternity care? Is there hope for change if there is 'a long term trend for no change'?" I keep watching the lecture. When Declercq poses the question of who could be at the center of the discord and disconnect between interventions in maternity care and the general belief of US women that they are receiving good care, the answer comes from a quote by Dick Cheney in the book One Percent Doctrine.  Dumbfounded by hearing the name "Cheney" and it not being Melissa Cheyney, I continue to listen and, like any great lecturer, he makes his point.  "When you set up a system that focuses on the 1% of problems that might occur, you undermine the care of the 99% of the mothers that don't need those services." This quote reflects the current philosophy of maternity care. That is so good to hear on so many levels and allows me to reflect on the disservice we as providers are put into place within our healthcare system. Declercq is clearly an advocate for home birth and midwifery, as seen in the last few minutes of this video. More important to me, he is an educated and passionate advocate working for improvement of the current trends and conditions of maternal and infant health and safety in the United States.  

In my journey to bear witness and participate in creating sustainable maternal and infant practices in the US, I have often been compared (by my family members) to a salmon swimming upstream. Yesterday, I picked up two reads. One was a short bit of poetry a friend had me read in her living room. The poet spoke of salmon, how they have soft mouths and when you hook a salmon you must play them gently or it is easy to tear the hook loose. The other book was The River Why. One chapter, "The Line of Light," stood out in my mind. It too is about a man and his relationship with salmon. At the end of the chapter, as light begins to sink into the day, the fish on her way and he back on his, he is touched by "the Ancient One" and knows that from this point on in his life there is no escape. There is no escape once you enter into something with full passion, something that drives you, something you love or fall in love with. You just have to figure out how to "play it gently" and, in some cases, get your butt kicked in the process of learning how to navigate the adventure.  

 

 

10 fingers and 10 toes

Friday afternoon 29 May 2009, Green Midwife Community Birth Services welcomed it’s first birth to the practice and all 10 sweet toes and all 10 long fingers were counted.  This brought up some thought as I cleaned the birth off my skin.  When my mom taught me about toes and fingers she taught me that my toes have special powers and since they are especially long, she taught me their main function was to pick things up...In time, I attempted to write with them...not so good.  The one thing I became quite skilled at was picking clothes off the ground and swinging them up to my hands so I could either put them on or fold them or hang them up.  It expedites cleaning by minutes, for sure.  The other thing is I learned my toes are my foundation, my roots and they spread like wings and spread really awkwardly but they give me great balance.  It is my platform.  My fingers, they are meant to touch, to spread warmth and to heal.  

At the end of my shower tonight, I lifted my arms up with exhilaration as I jump off this platform that has been so well supported by all those elders who walked this midwifery path before me and taught me.  The others who have endured this profession and all the hard work midwives have dedicated themselves to in order to persevere and hold a presence in our birthing community in the United States.  Today, I dove into the waters of a not so quiet sea and I know that I know how to ride waves, so I guess this is going to work out even when the waters are rough.

One other thing my mom and dad both did when we were little was taught us to count, of course, on our toes and fingers...and all things counted for, these 10 things are pulsing through my heart with importance tonight as I move forward in my work as a midwife:

1               Midwifery is in the fashion of adversity, in our culture, and I hope this changes (obviously) yet I can only commit to continuing to practice and play my role to impact the health and journey of families.

2              The journey of women, in birth, has been shortened and our power has been stripped from us and I often wonder what it is about women these days that scares them (truly) about birth, that encourages them to have their deepest seeded power lifted, and willing to give up their personal rite to a higher hand or authority.  If we still looked at birth as an event of empowerment, would women be fighting stronger and choosing other paths as they walk into motherhood? 

3               I believe (on a cellular level) that all women have the capacity to learn the phrase “My body rocks” and say it loud enough to their self that they feel it in their belly.  That this phrase alone can give women the confidence to believe in their beauty and power, it’s inevitable when practiced. 

4               Love your love warrior, even when part of that love and strength comes from your man, your partner, or from another support source.  Honor your support partner and LOVE BACK!

5               Clean off every experience. 

6               Each start is a fresh start.

7               Commitment to your authentic and true self takes work but it is such a beautiful feeling to know you.

8               I hope we have the consciousness in our country to really see that midwives do provide safe care and give great maternity care.

9               I hope midwives, as a whole profession, begin to collaborate more because we will only continue to be a divided force if we keep going head to head with one another.

10            I am overjoyed and blessed to announce that Lucia (Loo-CEE-ah) "Lucy" Mae Janssen was the first baby to bless the waters of Green Midwife Community Birth Services.  She is brilliant and long and our blessing.  Thank you Sara and Matt and Bella, and everyone else that joined us to begin. 

 Peace.

Celebrate A Midwife Today.

To celebrate International Midwife Day, May 5^th of every year, I reached out to many different parents in my large community to speak up for midwives.  All the people who responded to me with a short 10-minute writing assignment birthed at home or in a birth center, although I tried to get others to join in who had midwives in a hospital and even from other countries.  If you’re reading this and feel like adding, the “assignment” was:

why you chose a midwife for care during your pregnancy and birth (whether home or hospital) and a hope you have for midwifery in the United States. Also, if the writers wanted to “give some love” they could.

If you read today and you have a story, please add it.  There is a midwife for every mother, and I do feel glad that in the marginalized US we have a way to be celebrated and a way to celebrate one another as maternity and birth specialists.  All expressions have been given permission for use on this blog, by the writers and parents. 

Here begins the creativity and expression of others...

 I chose a midwife for my care during the pregnancy and birth of my two children because I wanted to be in an environment that trusted in the natural process and beauty of birth. I wanted a caregiver that believed in the empowerment and education of her clients; I wanted to be empowered and educated. This is what I found in my midwife- all this and more- including support of my body/mind/soul,  sisterhood, and a loving personal relationship. My dream for the future is that all women will have a loving, nurturing environment in which to birth their babies.

Lauren Hunt, Viroqua, Wisconsin

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 On January 25th 2009 at 12:15 pm my life truly began... After 7 hours of allowing my body to move, feel, push, hurt, & experience the one of the most natural things God ever created, I welcomed my daughter Alomae James into a calm, safe, quiet and peaceful world in the comfort of my home. An environment sans bright lights, sterile busy hands and complicated terminology...Just a tub, my loving husband, and a few beautiful women in the background to "watch over" us like angels. It was the most amazing experience to witness my body’s strength and watch it flourish in what it was designed to do. On this day, I gave my baby the best start to her life & found a whole new meaning to mine.

My hope is that every woman might experience such beauty in birth. That they would feel respected, capable & encouraged in what should be the most empowering moment of their life! Midwives make this possible-they are giving us our bodies back & our babies the purest start to life.

Echo Zielinski, Portland, Oregon

 My daughter was born on Sept. 1, 2003 in the basement of our home, in a portable blue tub.  I was the first person to lay hands on her and I immediately swept her up and placed her on her mother’s chest.   I’ve told the story of Lily’s birth dozens of times and every time I finish I feel like I have not done the experience justice.  It was an experience that is unlikely ever to be matched in its clarity, it’s focus and its intensity.

The decision to have a homebirth was not mine, and I admit when I “agreed” to use a midwife I didn’t know exactly what that meant.  But I quickly became a firm believer in midwives and home births, and skeptical of the medical industry’s treatment of pregnant women.

By education and experience I have long been skeptical of the American medical establishment.  By using a midwife Lily’s mother and I were able to pursue a natural, affordable option that didn’t ‘medicalize’ her pregnancy, didn’t treat her like she had a condition of some sort, and made her feel comfortable about her ability to handle her pregnancy and delivery.  In fact, when inevitably family and friends would ask why were not using a hospital, I took to answering their question with a question:  “Why would we?  She’s not sick.”  This was actually a pretty useful way of getting them to think about delivering a baby outside of a medical setting.

Once Lily was delivered and the delivery team left (we had a midwife, her apprentice and a doula) it was just the three of us.  Lily’s mother fell asleep and I stayed up all night just staring at our new daughter.  For a Father who I suspect is marginalized to a large extent in a hospital setting, this was a priceless experience.  I truly believe my bonding with Lily started in the first seconds of her life, which is the way it should be.

Lily’s birth was a transformative experience for everyone involved.  If it had not been a homebirth, I would not have been as involved as I was and would have missed out on a truly miraculous evening.  Homebirths CAN be for everyone (well, probably 90% of us) and I could not recommend it more. 

 Geoff Easton, Missoula, MT USA

Choosing to give birth with a midwife was an easy decision for me. For as long as I can remember I wanted to do a water birth and the midwives were going to help me facilitate it, whereas the hospitals were not. I also believed that giving birth was something women were created for and that our bodies are perfectly capable of doing with a little help. Once I found the wonderful women who assisted me during pregnancy and the birth of my son my expectations were completely blown away. I never imagined how much time they would spend with me during each appointment, and that I felt loved, cared for and taught things about labor and delivery that I had never learned in all my own studies. My labor was long and intense, and they were with me every step of the way, believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. When my 11 pound 4.5 oz bouncing baby boy arrived they made me feel like a superhero and that my boy was the coolest little baby ever. Even though I am sure they make every woman feel like this, it still made a huge impression on my husband, my family and me. I loved that my midwife did home visits, and I couldn't have felt more comfortable if these ladies were my sisters! For any future pregnancies I will be calling my midwives! I wish I could convey how truly amazing my pregnancy and birth experience was, and I believe this was truly a direct result of my midwives!

Aimee Archer, Colorado, Oregon, and Vienna. 

 Midwife. Just saying that word makes my heart sing. I know so many amazing, inspiring women who are midwives…I currently have 2 friends who are midwives, and 5 who are training to be. The very sound of that word crossing my lips brings a smile to my face.  We chose to birth at home with a midwife with our first child, and we are doing the same this time around. We made this decision because we believe that birth is a natural and beautiful part of life...not a medical procedure. Birthing at home allowed us to experience this deeply emotional and special time in the privacy of our own home...we can't wait to do it again!

Sara Janssen, Bozeman, Montana

with barely any smile on my face I can relate midwifery to firing a wood kiln - these days we have lots of options available to help fire our ceramic wares - fancy electronic pyrometers that display a digital read out of temperatures inside the kiln and wonderful little devices called oxiprobes that measure oxygen or the lack thereof in the atmosphere of the kiln.  All of this on one hand - on the other we can simply watch our clay bodies mature as the firing progresses, watching the color of the heat and firing the kiln according to our senses.  I feel that I am more attentive to my kiln and my experience is more authentic and natural without the use of pyrometers...no matter how wonderful the technology might be.  My wife and I fired our last baby without a "pyrometer" - I think the feta-scope was the most technology we saw during her entire pregnancy.  What a change from the cesarean section birth she endured before this recent birth - and the baby's position was the same as the one that resulted in the last cesarean (breech).  I stand in awe at my wife and her body. Such a wonderful experience and I am so thankful for the support of our midwives and the loving care they provide for us - a month has passed and they are still stopping in to visit and see our little girl. 

How about a toast to midwives and a hope that we human beings can show a tremendous amount of respect and gratitude for the technology that surrounds us here in the United States in every respect, medical or artistic; And let us be aware of the power each of us hold in our own bodies and senses and use it in the best way that we know how - we can let things be simple.

Benj Upchurch, Tiffin, Iowa

 

 

Normalizing death

I was the one to put my dad to rest in this life. The snow outside right now is a lot like when he passed, magical and fluffy.  I don't have anger towards it like I would have a week ago or even yesterday, today it's not there.  I did a visualization and it was the moment of giving him one last shot of morphine, while he was surrounded by all of his friends and family came up the other day.  There was this understanding, like he and I were communicating...he saying, "bec, it's okay."  me saying, "I love you daddy, I love you."  My mom singing this beautiful song to him in his ear, telling him she loves him and Jen just speechless with these sweet BIG crocodile tears.  Everyone else there, nothing we could change about the situation but for me the numbness of doing the act went away.  I reconnected with his pulse and that it was doing him good.  When his pulse fell from his arm, it was if someone had released the physical plugs on his bodies drain and whosh...Literally, WHOOOOSH...Almost like the days when I would have to alter myself just to attempt kayaking down a class IV rapid with my buddies.  With that alteration, I was able to paddle better or just release when I knew I couldn't get back up instead of getting gripped in the flow and hurting myself one way or another.  With the loss of the numbness, which I didn't know when it would go away came an unfolding.  The visualization lead me to the practice of Death Midwifery that I had been studying since that summer we were in Seattle.  In actuality, I had gone to the co-op that morning and got three essential oils and sesame oil.  Rose (love, used for anxiety and depression and tension), Sandalwood (flight), and Vetiver (grounding; muscle relaxant, insomnia and nervousness).  We all gathered, opened with a little calling in of the directions.  He loved the native ways of nature that he had learned over life. We washed him with really warm water, which had all three oils in it.  Then we all massaged him with the Sesame Oil (in Ayurveda, this oil represents integration, deep healing and nourishes the organs) with a drop of rose oil.  As each person contributed, they said a little prayer or intention to help in his soul passing.  In my experience over the weekend, it went from the whoooosh of the pulse to the time after the ritual...when everyone was drinking margaritas, wine and beer and people were coming in and out saying goodbye and a party was going on.  He was glowing.  That is where I went to...him being there with this glow, a smile and of course shiny lips because he had to have some lip gloss on...He was just as beautiful then as he had been when we were growing up.  Death finally became normalised for me. I have peace on a cellular level.

Momma Earth

Cup of coffee near by, sights of 5 hours of trail-running today amongst a myriad of other little chores, seeds sprouting, and soon to be off-call so I can go to a workshop this weekend with a dear friend in Colorado.  The things I think of when I wake up and when I run for long times, how I can change our disabled maternity care system and then I remember I am just a little woman running and walking on this earth and somehow that is supposed to matter?  Today, we all "celebrate" our momma earth getting a day where we "take care" of her and the environment that is her own womb...Us...The people and her land and animals and natural resources.  In college, the thought "earth day is every day" was whittled into my head.  So a day like today, not to be snarky, sometimes just irks me and irritates me as much as Hallmark putting a date on the calendar to show how much we HEART one another.  But we do and I play along with these days, for instance making heart chocolate chip cookies with a best friend who was visiting to support me after my father's passing.  Our day was cheesy as all get out, but it helped.  SO...today we celebrate one day towards the health care of our momma earth and skies and seas and mountains and rivers and people and animals and fields and it helps...

My thoughts with how we celebrate these events go towards our relationship with these objects, people, places and things.  Our inter-connection, our hearts-worth, the creativity it inspires, the ability to reflect.  One aspect of my work is simple and just begins the discussion of current "relationships" within the United States maternity system.  I wanted to expand on this effort after I graduated, but there were some other things in life that kept me from focusing on "the greening of birth."  And for now, I might just do this every so often...put little bits and pieces from my work here and see what other articles come in.  So here, is a little excerpt from my writing back a year ago...

As a midwifery student, I set out to gain more understanding for myself and see if there was a contribution I could make to the Greening of Birth.  Then I discovered I would have to define the greening of birth, since there was no true definition to begin with.  This proved to be difficult.  Since this is a new concept, I know it will take help of other midwives and providers to have a firm definition of what I mean by the Greening of Birth. My basic definition and goal of the Greening of Birth is to improve the current maternity care environment, socially and environmentally, in the United States.  This definition embraces the following concepts:

1)     Collaborative maternity care

2)    Improved relationships between maternity care providers

3)    Midwifery as a leader in the greening of birth

4)    Promotion of sustainable practices and solutions in maternity care

This research is an expression of my own personal work in sustainability and as a midwife, as it presents my role in preserving and increasing access to a profession that brings me joy and is my livelihood.

The Greening of Birth represents a needed change in the existing environment between nurse-midwives, certified professional midwives, licensed midwives, lay midwives and obstetricians and other maternity professionals.  Currently we stand divided instead of united and the United States is one of the few developed countries where the maternity care system suffers from such disorder.  Robbie Davis-Floyd discusses the dichotomy of relationships between nurse-midwives, licensed (and unlicensed) midwives, and obstetricians.  She explains the existing dichotomy as a significant contribution to the lack of relationship within the maternity care system.  Davis-Floyd contemplates whether there is room in the United States maternity system for each of these groups collaborate while maintaining their own professional autonomy.  Davis-Floyd explains the benefits of autonomy, that each of these groups have fought for it over time, and that it might be challenging to create a unifying model of care that is suitable for each profession.²⁴  Midwives have an important role to play in the development of collaborative relationships.  As a profession, midwives will find our way, but we will have to rise above internal conflicts to find a common voice.

              Relationships are considered one of the fundamental attributes in the art of midwifery and Midwifery Model of Care, specifically the importance of relationship between the mother and midwife.  However, I am addressing the internal relationships of maternity care providers.  Ideally, our culture is kind, loving, and supportive and yet there is a competitive and suspicious spirit that exists between midwives.  In order to contribute to the Greening of Birth, midwives will have to evaluate the current sisterhood of midwives within each United States community.  Each midwife and each birth center provides care to different women and these women have the choice of where they give birth.  It is important that the effort of midwives in each community supports one another’s growth and does not create division in business and midwifery.  Midwives must find a way to support the sustainability tenet of establishing and maintaining interconnection, rather than separation, in our professional relations.  

Improving relationships will make room for midwives and obstetricians to learn from one another.  These two groups could together explore the normal, physiologic events of birth and ways for less intervention during labor and delivery.  I believe it would create deeper awareness of midwifery practice for physicians if medical school students were required to attend at least one out-of hospital birth.  Midwifery encourages parents to explore their health and their connection to pregnancy, their growing baby and anything else that affects their pregnancy.  Midwifery can teach obstetrics that there is nothing “wrong” with pregnancy, and that when pregnancy does have complications it is important to explore all routes (mental, physical, emotional, stress, environmental) of the complication instead of targeting just the problem.  I acknowledge there may be difficulties and differences through the initial steps of the Greening of Birth, because both models of care are different yet effective for the clients that choose our care.  I believe, however, that combining the models would set the maternity system up for great success and allow for more comprehensive care for the women of the United States. 

In community and peer review, it is important to discuss actions of midwives that might harm the whole midwifery community.  It is important that the midwifery community does not ostracize midwives who make decisions that deviate from the standard model of care, but rather engage in responsible, constructive conversations on ways to bring more unity between midwives.  It is also important to consider and discuss a bad outcome with the midwife who experiences it, rather than spread untrue stories that may become convoluted.  If collaboration between obstetricians and midwives existed in the United States, peer reviews outside of the autonomous professions will benefit and improve maternal and infant outcomes.  There are many ways the maternity professions can learn from one another. A goal of effective communication asks participants to go to the source of a situation to find the truth.  If there is to be a midwife for every mother in the Greening of Birth and a conscious maternity care system in the United States, then we must begin to truly support one another free of judgment and full of concern for the health of maternity care, mothers and babies. 

It's youthful in it's knowledge and awareness, but this to me continues to speak the truth of what is going on in the field of maternity care.  I know that in my town, there is mostly animosity and the ability to sit together is like a mad game of dodge ball...and yes, we're hucking wrenches.  

Enjoy the earth and may she enjoy a bit of you too.