365 days young

Gosh, thoughts rush in and I realize again that my blogging skills are nothing like my dear Sara Janssen nor could I even try. However, as the last 365 days have flown by my I sit here just before my eyes rest and recognize that my 2010 is going to bring balance, invigoration and reminding myself why I live in the mountains, why I am a mountain girl, and all the acts that have brought me here. Midwifery and birth is crucial to the harmonious strum in my heart, but it's just one valve of the heart. There are four; and, then there's the pericardium and the job it has to make the whole heart operate. To me, the universe is the pericardium, and my ultimate goal is to connect everyday with that pulse and voice of the universe.

How do we flow through our days just being without any desire to connect to universe, to god, to a presence that is so much greater than ourselves? I don't know anymore, because I am one who seeks out that daily knowledge. I seek it out through my practice, through my experiences on snow, my experiences on trails, and being far from the waves of the ocean I find my own ocean through meditation. What I do know about the flow I have been experiencing, is that some days the universe fills our cup half full and somedays it leaves us half empty. An experience over the last week or so has left me right in the middle, right where half empty joins half full and there is serene peace enveloping every crevice of my body. Tonight on a run, the stars came out just perfectly as I can reflect on the last 365 days and know each was meant to teach me.

I stood in front of a large group of sustainably minded people last night and for the first time in almost 2 years gave a 2 minute schpeel on why my practice is called Green Midwife Community Birth Services and what my work as a midwife means to this community, to our local and national health, and why I have chose to collaborate with Dr. Holcomb Johnston, ND in practice. A brief moment to realize I have 40 pages of work and 2 years of research devoted to one topic, other than learning how to safely welcome a babies passage onto the earth's floor and make sure her momma is right in tow with her. Both landing to their new passage in love, safety and welcoming new breath. I realize I don't use this page to tell the birth stories of my clients, I don't have the time. I do realize that once in a while I tap in and release what needs to come.

Births have not occurred in my hands since the end days of September and I realize that most of my months has been spent managing my business. Managing my practice. Today, I read a little horoscope that encouraged me to realize that where Green Midwife is standing is safe. There are enough births that I can maneuver without stress and get everything operating as it should on a monthly level. There is a constant trickle of clients and some months of 2010 are even "booked" full and I am turning clients away. But, one major part of sustainable midwifery is that the midwife gets time off-call and time when one is oncall to get out and play, to release, to be who you are and embody that gift. She gets time to connect with that which brings love to her, brings her power, allows those adrenals to block up any leaks and find other ways to enrich her life. Hands down, Midwifery is the most rewarding work I have ever done and the one that has preoccupied me the most. But maybe that is what happens when you do what you love most for your job, it takes part of you for the beginning until you learn to stand, learn to balance and learn to walk. Maybe.

So things that have come up for Green Midwife Community Birth Services since my last scribble:

*A lot of conversation about Cannabis use during pregnancy: offer your research and thoughts here.

*Being privy to some friend's birth in progressive Switzerland, being inspired to seek out a Fulbright scholarship to work in a country where midwifery used by 70 to 72% of the population and embodies collaborative care. Must experience once in my life.

*Maneuvering difficult decisions as a maternity care professional, while still following that intuitive gut.

*Sleep will soon be those cherished moments of catching up.

*Faith, educate, and re-invent.

*New protocols.

And then there is so much else to be excited about. When I close my eyes however on this January 12th, I most remember snow blanketing the earth as my father passed on one year ago and I know he's helping me along these days. Helping in so many unspeakable ways. Holding death and birth in my hands, all in one year remind me of the power of life. I wonder often what it's like to be a mountain and what the spirits of mountains really speak to us. I want to believe it's like midwifery, they tell us when to get off and sometimes they just kick us off...often, they just hold us perfectly and allow us to move in exactly how we need to move. When we've completed what we've sent out to do that day, we soar.

Peace to all and whatever journeys you send yourself on today. That's it.