Turning Season

Rob Brezney last week wrote, "Technorati, a search engine for blogs, says there are well over 100 million blogs on the Internet, and that figure doesn't include millions of Chinese language blogs. So self-expression is thriving on a global scale, right? Not exactly. Most blogs -- the estimate is 94 percent -- have not been updated for at least four months." Being that I write in spurts, I had to check in to see if it had been four months. I realized it was a month since I last posted.

In my childbirth education class, we spend a whole evening surrounding what happens in labor when we experience an unexpected event-one not on a birth plan or soul plan. One of my personal life mantras is to "walk your talk." Therefore, when my unexpected event surfaced in late August-that being putting my active midwifery hands to rest for a year and redefine my role in our health care system-I had to go to some of the exercises I give my students to understand how I operate in these times. It is not easy, that is what I can say...So when I watch all you students explore your unexpected event, draw it, and then discuss it in front of a group the element I realize I have left out is simply one of saying, "Thank you for being courageous while sharing your vulnerability." As this blog is a reflection of self-expression of that which effects my role in medicine, I love the vulnerability one exposes themselves to when they can willingly and publicly speak in regards to their path. So here I am, walking my talk and continuing to expose my unfolding.

I'd say that winter feels closer than further away, today more than any other day. It's the turning season in mountain culture. It's also a day where I can see that the profession of midwifery wants me to stay in tune with the advancement of the profession. However for me, right now, the daily role of a working midwife is not a sustainable life. In the past months, I have tried for most possible positions that come up in the want ads for health care, along with many other highly suitable applicants. Since we officially live in one of the most desirable communities in the Northern Rockies, it is a tough competition for a desirable position when the population is booming with incredibly talented, brilliant, and educated people. I continue along, moving forward.

At first, I struggled. As do most when life's unexpected's hit you in the face. It's kind of like a face shot (of snow for the less mountain literate reader). You don't expect it, but as the first shot of the year it is welcomed like some sort of baptismal event. As I continued and found my footing, I realized my two feet hadn't been planted in the ground. One foot in, one foot out and that is the way I ran my life for the last 2 years. The foot that was in, midwifery. The foot that was out, the rest of my life. So I turned.

Two weeks ago, amidst a really "damp" couple of weeks, I found myself reaching for yoga and meditation and for more running and the turning over of my garden. Whatever I could do in my free time to get that lagging second foot in the earth. I connected with my lady friends and reached out, even though I have to have rubber-woman arms to reach out sometimes my friends live so far from here...Another turn. I snapped those rubber-band arms back close to my heart and reached for those close to home. Most of all, I spent time with the earth, the changing season from an amazing heart grabbing autumn and watched as the leaves fell and snow began to fall-in bits and pieces.

Today, I find myself both feet in. Fall line and another turn and another. Don't ask me how my process speeds along, it just does and often times I just go with it. After a couple years of fighting against myself just to stay standing, I find it's over. I may not have got the jobs I wanted or the one five people suggested to me because, "You would be perfect for this position." However, I have opportunities in front of me that are connected to my intention from this time away from "catching babies" and actively working in Women's Healthcare. I swore I "thought" I knew what I wanted to do. Statistic: most people will change the course of their career seven times throughout their lifetime. This doesn't mean they will change professions, they just change the course they were headed in. Aside from this statistic: most people have greater success when they change the course of their profession 1, 2, 3 or even 4 times. Pocket of fresh and turn. These opportunities are leading me in the direction of my work, which inevitably work is love made visible. At least, that is what I want it to be for me. Even if it does mean I temporarily am a fish monger. I have to pay the bills.

In the meantime, I continue to reach for the goals of seeing to it that maternal and infant mortality rates decrease, midwives are accessible around the world and synonymous with all other maternity care providers, and dreaming big. We can work hard, still have a sustaining life and experience happiness. So as you make your first turns you snow loving people you, remember to exhale before you go deep and empty all the air out before you inhale then come up. And remember, that the unexpected event can be one of growth, life-learning, faith, and rebirth.