Depart

As many of you know, in a week I am going to load up a large uhaul and hitch a trailer to the back of it and drive west on I-90. I will follow the I-90 corridor, until just after Spokane, where I will head south and then west and then south again. I will head south until I find myself at exit 228, where I will finally head west into Corvallis, Oregon.

I've been planning for this move since May. However, until last week the decision to sell the house was not concrete. When the decision was made, the energy started rolling. The house went on yesterday, and there has already been one showing and another tomorrow.

I had this idea when I was running yesterday. So many people have come through the doors of this home over the past 7 years. I thought it would be nice for the next owners to know what energy has been in this home since it's only had one owner, me.

If you have been one of those people who have come for a visit, whether short or long, "What has this home brought you?" Please comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email. One word. That is all I am asking for. I will then place your word anonymously in the jar and let the creative collective unfold.

One word. 4 seconds of your time. I love you all.

Unwinding

Restitution: the move a baby makes to find it's way into the world. What happens when a baby decides to restitute slowly or not at all? It's what we providers call the fine art of Dystocia. Do we love it? No! I have heard from some OB's that Midwives are "brave" for being able to manage such complications outside of a hospital suite. Brave...Brave...I can remember not feeling so brave. Was I being forced to "dig deep" and as deep as I can go to trust in safety and trust in the body's wisdom. Yes. What have been the results? Babies come out, they are born.

Why don't you want to restitute baby? What's in there that's so great? Or is it that opening is shaped just a little uniquely and it's not so easy to fit through. How can I help you? Come on, one more contraction. Deep breaths (momma and provider). The release will happen. The release will happen. One more contraction. So we wait for the contraction, because that provides the force. If with the next contraction, still no progression, we as providers begin to act and the flight or fight hormones work in cadence between mom and provider. It is a team effort, and there is no "I" in team. There is a tedious protocol when it comes to managing dystocia, as when not resolved after one or two maneuvers you must act quickly to reduce damage to both momma and baby. You think about mom, you think about baby, you pray. You think about the resuscitation station. You think about postpartum hemorrhage. You get the mom out of the tub. When "encouraged" to dig deep, I work in an active form of meditation. Or maybe it's silent recitation.

So here i go...digging deep to "wonder." What is the one thing I call upon when I am watching a woman push and birth her baby? Is there more than one? Do I ever reflect on my energetic/karmic influence on a birth? I have got all the tools. I can hear the babies heart, I can see the mom's well-being, I can work with my environment and it's inhabitants. Where do I dig to go into action? Even if my role as a player in this genuine dance is really off in the distance, where am I stuck? What frees me? Freedom. Wonder. If I show up, fully present and in my most loving state, will this be enough?

I remember getting tested for our final exams in midwifery school and walking into the Dystocia lab. There, an actress sat, "birthing" her baby. It was nothing like the test when it happened alone, with no other assistant beside me. When I dug deep, I heard Suzy Myers and Gail Tully slowly walking me through the steps. I felt fear ripple through my body. I talked to the baby. I listened. I took deep breaths. Loved ones came. I saw the guides I call on to help me. I saw the Board of Alternative Medicine in Montana. I saw my sister midwives. Somehow, they all came to the birth for a brief moment. Then I called deeper and remembered things I never knew I'd remember. And they left. I worked. Then baby was born, vigorous and mad at me (for a while). This is the act of digging deep in Obstetrics and we all have to do it. And we all talk about it. We share and tell our stories.

If you are finding yourself "stuck" what is it that inspires you to unwind and jump back to your path? Where is that well inside of you that gets you to "deep" and clicks the light back on? That last little squeeze can be the greatest effort on a newborns behalf and it is the beginning of life, a very important step in the first breath of life. We will continue to restitute throughout life and I hope today you explore resolve and restitute to your call. Enjoy.