Depart

As many of you know, in a week I am going to load up a large uhaul and hitch a trailer to the back of it and drive west on I-90. I will follow the I-90 corridor, until just after Spokane, where I will head south and then west and then south again. I will head south until I find myself at exit 228, where I will finally head west into Corvallis, Oregon.

I've been planning for this move since May. However, until last week the decision to sell the house was not concrete. When the decision was made, the energy started rolling. The house went on yesterday, and there has already been one showing and another tomorrow.

I had this idea when I was running yesterday. So many people have come through the doors of this home over the past 7 years. I thought it would be nice for the next owners to know what energy has been in this home since it's only had one owner, me.

If you have been one of those people who have come for a visit, whether short or long, "What has this home brought you?" Please comment here, on Facebook, or send me an email. One word. That is all I am asking for. I will then place your word anonymously in the jar and let the creative collective unfold.

One word. 4 seconds of your time. I love you all.

Tending Threads

There's this little thread that hangs from a piece of clothing that needs to be stitched on my sewing table. it has been waiting for me since July, about the same time I finished my last birth. I remember the day in my garden when I looked down and my trusty work/climbing shorts that have been through years of exercise decided they needed a bit of a break and ripped right at the zipper. Either that, or my butt had increased in size just one inch too much. As the last month has held a lot of rearrangement in house and in heart, I have found freedom in space, creative expansion and stability. I have been looking around at the things that needed stitching and tended to them, as well as I have been thinking of tending to this little URL that has been a creative outlet all year long.

Autumn to winter took me on the trip of becoming very clear with my goals in midwifery and what my focus for 2011 would be. One day in October, I had heard how there was this doctor going to Morocco teaching midwives and when I checked out the website I realized a dear friend was the Director of Education of this burgeoning foundation. I connected with Genevieve Chabot, Ed.D, and she told me all about Global Midwife Education Foundation. While Genevieve and I dove into conversation about the organization, I knew that this was work I wanted to be part of. When we first spoke, the Executive Director Genevieve Reid, MD, was just about to leave for her first midwifery training in Morocco. Therefore, our initial meet and greet would have to be postponed to late October or early November. After the conversation with Chabot, I gathered and collected like I like to do in my research ways, externally and internally. The big question, "How do I present myself to these women? How can I make this work become a part of my every day life?" Over the next month or so, Chabot and I emailed and spoke often. Our friendship goes back a handful of years, so we could catch up on GMEF and on life. Together, we find many ways to laugh, play, and enjoy company. I sent Genevieve Reid my resume and then just let the rest unfold. In early November, we met up for what I felt like was an interview for my future. I met with Genevieve Reid and Chabot, and Cloe Erickson (the conduit connecting GMEF in Morocco). Together, we sat around the table for a brief hour and it was enough time to feel the fire ignite. My goals with midwifery, which had been coming into place since June, became clear.

Shortly after I began to see these goals, I read a quote in a backcountry ski rag that sits on the back of my loo. The quote, spoken from a ski racer turned humble poppa/ski mountaineer read, "A goal without a plan is just a wish." I deeply believe in the wish, but his words sunk in over a cup of coffee. "Just like midwifery school," I thought to myself. It was a long-time goal, and the plan and structure of my formal education was the gift that gave me the inspiration and drive to sacrifice a lot in life, to train in three different states with over 8 midwives, write a increasingly convincing thesis, and enjoy myself in the process. Also like running an endurance race, to do well it takes a plan.

2010 and the few special births in 2009 were rites of passage for me. It was these years that gave me the confidence to apply for a job in a very busy birth center in Austin, TX and (even with a solid interview) not get the job because it appeared "I had other fish to fry." Maybe it was the fact that I like fried fish...However, it was all in perfect alignment. 2010 brought me home. It welcomed a few handfuls of births that taught me the training, the research, the effort and all the energy I planned and directed from 2005 to 2008 were worth it beyond expression. I remember the birth where I left home in April around midnight and crossed 7th and Durston to see a close group of friends of mine walking to the local bar and I thought, "How lucky, I get to watch a baby come into the world. How lucky they'll be dancing." Both bring joy in different ways. I remember the birth in May where we watched snow fall as a sweet boy entered the world, and yet by the time I left the house the sun was up and the snow was beginning to melt. I remember a lot more than that with my picture taking mind, but it is every moment that was spent with midwifery that got me to work out the holding patterns and the kinks that were surfacing during the fall. I welcomed my return to confidence. I welcomed the return to light, even though the light of day was waning. I embraced that good plans, woven with the intentional threads of a goal, take commitment. I made the commitment to return to a path connected to the Beloved, the Infinite, the creative and loving Universe, Mother Nature, God or Great Spirit. We all have different names to connect and feel the pulse and flow of love that is never-ending from this Source and it is the commitment I was made to carry out as I was born at 6:24am in Northfield, MN (almost in a garbage can in a Fiat, but made it to a hospital) on January 5th, 1976. The commitment to be love and to find my way back when taken off course. To reach fruition, meeting goals takes planning and commitment is inherent. Argue with me if you want, but this is what works for me.

2011 brings inspiration, new beginnings and continued commitment. It brings to me the maturation of a long love affair with the art of medicine, healing, and the passion it provides. In November, I was elected to the Board of Global Midwife Education Foundation. Since, the meetings and conversations have me feeling like myself again and in relationship with the work that pertains to this blog. I have been inspired by these women and our talks, and I hear I have been inspiring. It appears we all like to have a lot of fun together, the business process is creative, and there is solid dynamic developing within GMEF. At the current time, we're gestating. We are intensively fundraising, therefore nobody involved can quit their day jobs just yet. We all live passionately for this work. It is amazing to be part of an organization that in its very early developmental phases so deeply believes in why we will do what we do. The future is bright. One more aspect that is as crystal clear as the snow outside as this new year starts, midwifery is my work whether at the end or beginning of life. My hands are always in it and I love the places it has taken me, the experiences I have witnessed, and the people I have met. I love where it will take me in 2011. A year where I get to sleep thru the night, at least almost every night of the year. I get to ski and run more than I have since 2006, and that in itself opens a window wide. I get to dive deeper into a new world of midwifery, business, education, and activism because these elements are my focus, my goals and the plan is in place.

I stitched that garment up today. It's now back in the drawer and waiting for summer when I can run around in shorts and play in the warm summer air. Until then, I will frolic with full heart, mind, soul and body through the mountains with their majestic snow. Blessings to this new year and may you find inspiration in every day. It's there waiting for you.

Turning Season

Rob Brezney last week wrote, "Technorati, a search engine for blogs, says there are well over 100 million blogs on the Internet, and that figure doesn't include millions of Chinese language blogs. So self-expression is thriving on a global scale, right? Not exactly. Most blogs -- the estimate is 94 percent -- have not been updated for at least four months." Being that I write in spurts, I had to check in to see if it had been four months. I realized it was a month since I last posted.

In my childbirth education class, we spend a whole evening surrounding what happens in labor when we experience an unexpected event-one not on a birth plan or soul plan. One of my personal life mantras is to "walk your talk." Therefore, when my unexpected event surfaced in late August-that being putting my active midwifery hands to rest for a year and redefine my role in our health care system-I had to go to some of the exercises I give my students to understand how I operate in these times. It is not easy, that is what I can say...So when I watch all you students explore your unexpected event, draw it, and then discuss it in front of a group the element I realize I have left out is simply one of saying, "Thank you for being courageous while sharing your vulnerability." As this blog is a reflection of self-expression of that which effects my role in medicine, I love the vulnerability one exposes themselves to when they can willingly and publicly speak in regards to their path. So here I am, walking my talk and continuing to expose my unfolding.

I'd say that winter feels closer than further away, today more than any other day. It's the turning season in mountain culture. It's also a day where I can see that the profession of midwifery wants me to stay in tune with the advancement of the profession. However for me, right now, the daily role of a working midwife is not a sustainable life. In the past months, I have tried for most possible positions that come up in the want ads for health care, along with many other highly suitable applicants. Since we officially live in one of the most desirable communities in the Northern Rockies, it is a tough competition for a desirable position when the population is booming with incredibly talented, brilliant, and educated people. I continue along, moving forward.

At first, I struggled. As do most when life's unexpected's hit you in the face. It's kind of like a face shot (of snow for the less mountain literate reader). You don't expect it, but as the first shot of the year it is welcomed like some sort of baptismal event. As I continued and found my footing, I realized my two feet hadn't been planted in the ground. One foot in, one foot out and that is the way I ran my life for the last 2 years. The foot that was in, midwifery. The foot that was out, the rest of my life. So I turned.

Two weeks ago, amidst a really "damp" couple of weeks, I found myself reaching for yoga and meditation and for more running and the turning over of my garden. Whatever I could do in my free time to get that lagging second foot in the earth. I connected with my lady friends and reached out, even though I have to have rubber-woman arms to reach out sometimes my friends live so far from here...Another turn. I snapped those rubber-band arms back close to my heart and reached for those close to home. Most of all, I spent time with the earth, the changing season from an amazing heart grabbing autumn and watched as the leaves fell and snow began to fall-in bits and pieces.

Today, I find myself both feet in. Fall line and another turn and another. Don't ask me how my process speeds along, it just does and often times I just go with it. After a couple years of fighting against myself just to stay standing, I find it's over. I may not have got the jobs I wanted or the one five people suggested to me because, "You would be perfect for this position." However, I have opportunities in front of me that are connected to my intention from this time away from "catching babies" and actively working in Women's Healthcare. I swore I "thought" I knew what I wanted to do. Statistic: most people will change the course of their career seven times throughout their lifetime. This doesn't mean they will change professions, they just change the course they were headed in. Aside from this statistic: most people have greater success when they change the course of their profession 1, 2, 3 or even 4 times. Pocket of fresh and turn. These opportunities are leading me in the direction of my work, which inevitably work is love made visible. At least, that is what I want it to be for me. Even if it does mean I temporarily am a fish monger. I have to pay the bills.

In the meantime, I continue to reach for the goals of seeing to it that maternal and infant mortality rates decrease, midwives are accessible around the world and synonymous with all other maternity care providers, and dreaming big. We can work hard, still have a sustaining life and experience happiness. So as you make your first turns you snow loving people you, remember to exhale before you go deep and empty all the air out before you inhale then come up. And remember, that the unexpected event can be one of growth, life-learning, faith, and rebirth.